How To Deal With Negative Emotions

January 26, 2019 | By More

Part 1 of 2

We’re going to talk specifically about negative emotions today, because if you’ve got a lot of positive emotions, you’re doing all right. That’s great. Amazing. So, let’s look at those negative emotions today. Those ones that prevent you from feeling the way you want to feel, preventing you from doing the things you want to do, preventing you from being who you want to be.

And there are only, really, four – there are four negative emotions. First is anger, with many different forms. It could be frustration, annoyance, peeved, (for our American friends), for example – these all come from anger. The next one is sadness. Sadness could be depression, feeling a bit low, feeling a bit down. They all come from the sadness family. Then there is fear. Fear can be being scared of something, anxiety about something, apprehensive about something – that’s all fear. And finally there’s guilt. We’re adding shame onto guilt as well.  The only difference between guilt and shame is guilt tends to be something that we feel, feel we’ve done wrong to others, and shame tends to be how we feel that we have wronged our self. Therefore, we’re putting that in the guilt family.

Every other negative emotion will be in some shape or form linked to one of these four. And once they are cleared from your system, you will no longer have a backlog of (however old you are) inappropriate anger, sadness, fear, or guilt/shame.

Now, all emotions are useful on some level, and when we talk about clearing these emotions it doesn’t mean you won’t be able to feel them in the future. In fact, if I had the ability with a magic wand (which I don’t), to make all these emotions disappear from your life I’d be doing you a huge disservice because I’d be taking away from you some of the colour from your life on some level. Sometimes it is appropriate to be angry, and a lot of times it’s appropriate not to be angry. Sometimes it’s appropriate to be sad – you’ve actually lost someone that you love, they have passed away. It’s appropriate to be sad, to grieve a little bit, but not for the rest of your life. Sometimes it’s appropriate to feel fear. If you’ve got an Alsatian dog running after you, or a Pit bull that’s about to bite you, it’s appropriate to be afraid and remove yourself from the scenario – just not every moment of your life.

Guilt and shame, I don’t know if it is necessarily appropriate to be feeling them. Hence guilt sometimes is that built-in, inner compass that lets us know we are a real human being. We’re not a sociopath or a psychopath. We do feel guilt because we’ve felt we’ve wronged someone, or shamed, or wronged ourselves on some level. In that way to finger pointing back to ourselves, let us know we are human. I’ve felt that I’ve wronged someone. Okay, I’m probably a decent person who just made a mistake. The only problem is we don’t respond to situations in our life most of the time with the appropriate amount of anger for that specific situation, or sadness, fear or guilt because we’ve got these things in our mind called gestalts. If you imagine your whole life like a string and every time you encounter anger, there’s a pearl being threaded onto that string. So, let’s say you’re 38 years old like me and you’ve accumulated a lot of pearls – a lot of pearls of anger over the years, being angry, or a little angry, frustration, annoyance and full blown rage. You might have a necklace filled with all these beads. And some of them you’ve got really good reasons for them. However, everything that happens to us that we respond to in an angry way, unless we’ve done a lot of work in releasing ourselves, we’re probably not responding to that specific particular piece of information, that particular event that’s going on with the appropriate amount of anger for us, because we’re interacting with it with all the anger of that accumulated necklace of anger. So we’re going to overreact, we’re going to catastrophize the situation.

All these emotions are useful on some level, hence most of us don’t go into that situation dealing with that specific anger that we’re experiencing for that one particular thing.  It’s a backlog of anger that we’ve accumulated, we haven’t resolved throughout many, many years. It’s kind of like a computer. A computer has some things called cookies or cache tray. They ask you to clear out every few months, or every few weeks because if you don’t, it gets a backlog and it slows down your computer and makes it very, very buggy. So while talking about releasing those emotions, it is just actually releasing that stuff from your head – top computer if you will – defragging your head top computer so you can respond with the appropriate amount of whatever inside emotion is right there. And you’ll be amazed when the intensity starts to drop (quite radically) as you deal with the situation with the appropriate amount of that emotion. And not a gestalt, a pearl necklace if you will, of many, many years, – a lifetime of accumulated anger, sadness, fear, guilt or shame.

Always Believe,

Luke Michel Howard PhD

Ottawa Clinical Hypnotist

Part 2 next issue

Category: Articles, Health & Natural Therapies

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